I have an exam tomorrow.
...aaaaand here I am. So.

Yep, fucked.

I'm reading LOTR for my Medievalism class. xD
This is possibly my favourite class ever. We study very little actual Medieval literature, it's mainly the influence of Medieval literature on other literature and culture throughout the centuries. So we started with melodramatic eighteenth century Gothic novels and we're working our way up to Monty Python and possibly Shrek and Harry Potter for the LOL factor. And Tolkien is in the middle! Coolest Medieval module ever. The 'ism' makes all the difference.

Oh, and I'm moving into Marsh's library.

( My New Home )

It smells like books and it's pretty and the librarian is the kind of cool you hope you'll be when you're sixty five and wearing woolly cardigan-skirt ensembles.

EOIN COLFER IS WRITING A SIXTH HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE BOOK.

http://www.6of3.com/and-another-thing

FAIL.

This is so horrible. This isn't Star Trek, people! You can't just reboot it! It's not a TV show, the result of a collaborative process with loads of people writing it/acting in it/directing it, whatever. It's a very very individualised piece of writing that could go HORRIBLY wrong if attempted by anyone else. HORRIBLY.

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't yer man Colfer write those godawful Artemis Fowl books? The ones that smack of mediocre Harry Potter fanfiction? I have to go and read them and see of they're as bad as I remember. I hope they're not.

Why is there nothing stable in my life?? *hugs H2G2 omnibus*

Right, so...

It's two in the morning, I am trying- and failing ABYSMALLY- to write a presentation on Aemilia Lanyer (Renaissance poet, doncha know), I have waaaaay too much caffeine swirling around in my body and I'm sort of a weird mixture of depressed and antsy which always happens when I have to spend the weekend by myself because everyone else is gone home and I had to stay up to study and when I'm not studying I watch Star Trek to give my brain a break from Renaissance speak and I'm kind of afraid the next time I see a real live person I'll forget how to talk and just try and perform a Vulcan mind meld on them and dear God this is a long sentence.

I drank a bottle of Lucozade Alert rather fast and FUCK ME I'm alert. Seriously, I've resorted to listening to really loud music (with my earphones on because someone is in the house, sleeping, I just haven't seen them because EVERYONE'S studying this weather) because it makes me feel like I'm burning energy to listen to someone else screaming and it hurts my ears but it's stopping me from going totally fucking batshit insane. I should sleep. I should really sleep.

</insane>

o.O

*points finger* JESSI BOUGHT STAR TREK ACTION FIGURES AND MADE THEM HOLD HANDS!

... I may have been an accomplice to both those acts. It amuses me to play the devil on the shoulder. I bought series three of TOS as well. Then my brother Stephen and I went into a shop where they had 4 DVDs for 25 euro so he picked two and I picked two. Which was funny because of the look the shop assistant gave me when I handed him Life is Beautiful and the Phantom of the Opera along with Terminator 2 and EuroTrip. :L And I then had to talk Stephen out of buying porn as a birthday present for Dad. I don't think he was serious, he just saw the DVDs and laughed imagining the looks on our parents' faces if he went through with it. At least I hope he wasn't serious. I don't think my family has reached sitcom levels of dysfunction just yet.

Also don't read this next rant if you haven't seen season five of House yet- Major spoiler.

( Gi-normous House spoiler )

*snort*
Oh, the beauty. The strange, depraved - somewhat edited for the purposes of gay propaganda- BEAUTY.
Everyone in the sixties was obviously blind. Despite the editing, TOS slash continues to be not only believable but totally hit-in-the-face-with-the-ghey unavoidable. Looooook at them!!!
I stole this video obviously. I have neither the technical savvy nor attention span necessary to make something like this. Props to the girl who made it though. She is obviously a genius of the highest calibre.

The cash is disappearing fast... Faaaast. I wish I had a job. A paid job. Volunteering at the Oxfam shop is fun but I need money. Also, I'm going to Avoca tomorrow and the Aran islands next week. Since I can't afford to go on holiday this year I decided I'd do the tourist thing in my own country. So I saw the local sights in Sligo, and I went to Kildare and Oxegen and all that craic. And it was was all well and good, only now I'm burning through the funds faster than I thought I would and I'm back to college in like a month for my SUPER expensive MA.
Which, by the way, I'm still in the dark about. I don't know when it starts, how much I have to pay up front, how I select my modules... I haven't even gotten my formal offer yet. UCD English department is all over the shop, and normally it's charming in an informal, featherheaded kind of way but I'm starting to get kind of antsy. I mean, should I just show up at college in September and look for signposts marked "Renaissance Lit this way"? (...Cos that'd be funny. And not too bloody surprising.)My most concrete plan at the minute is to go to the pub tonight.

I'm not disorganised, the universe is conspiring against me!

EDIT: Not actually going to pub after all. Are there no constants anymore?

I have a cooooollldddd..... My immune system is obviously as weak as a kitten. Any time I indulge in anything more strenuous than an evening at the pub I wind up feeling like I've been climbing a mountain. I went to Kildare for the bank holiday weekend and my body is reacting as if I spent the time in a much more rock n roll way than I actually did.
I've already fallen victim to the childhood regression that accompanies all of my minor illnesses, wherein I go from being a perfectly articulate twenty year old (Shut up! I'm articulate like nobody's business!) to this: "Muuuuuuum, I feel like craaaaaaap, make me a cup of tEEEEEEEEEEaaaa......*sniffle sniffle*". What with that and my loud and annoying sneezing fits it's only a matter of time before my family elects to lock me in the attic until I a) recover; b) die; or c) acquire the ability to deal with the sniffles in the manner of a mature, well adjusted adult.
I'm cheering myself up by enjoying the ghey of my new Star Trek dvds. I don't understand how people can watch TOS and not see the ridiculous dollops of sexual tension and outrageously camp flirting. It's right there, people! GAWD!
Right. So, to summarise, I'm sitting in bed, feeling highly sniffly and unattractive and watching Star Trek.
Aaaaaand I'm sharing this information with an internet site. All I need to do now is join a chess club. Then there'll be a puff of smoke and I'll transform into the token geek from a bad American high school movie.
...but I can't bring myself to care when Kirk is looking at Spock like that... oh, why can't science fiction etiquette just let them be happy?

After years of hiding my slow descent into the world of naff TV shows I have finally succumbed. I am now suspended between Ballykissangel and Star Trek. Finding a balance between a campy, 90s Irish sitcom about the forbidden love of a priest and a barmaid and a campy 60s sci-fi show about the secret passion of a dashing Starfleet captain for his alien first Officer is somewhat difficult. Between these contrasting albeit equally camp atmospheres and a third, entirely separate phenomenon known as "real life" my head right now is 'as mad as a bag of spiders', as the folks down in Mayo say. In lay terms, my tenuous grasp on reality is slipping.
Also, I'd like to go on record as saying Elaine and Jessi, respectively, made me do it. I have the potential to be normal. I have the potential to be COOL. To watch the Hills and The OC and wear Abercrombie t-shirts and look blank when people say things like "Khaaaaaaaaan!!!" I could do it.
I just don't feel like it right now.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Like the dutiful student I am, I'm trying to get a early start on some of my English essays that are due in a few weeks. Only it's difficult. Bloody Paradise Lost. There are too many themes! It's too complicated! Fucking Milton. Bloody show off. Stupid blind bastard. Stupid boring Adam thinks he's so great. Does it really piss anyone else off that Eve was tempted by SATAN, a man who succeeded into tempting a third of the population of Heaven into rebellion and Adam was only tempted by his wife and was too spineless to say no, and yet Eve is the evil bitch?? How does that work? Adam needed to grow a pair.
...
I have been trying to think up a coherent essay plan, but this is as far as it's gotten. I feel like there's a tiny man in a comically undersized car whizzing around and around in ever tighter circles in my brain, tooting his horn and yelling about Milton. I wish to fuck he would shut up so I can get some work done.

SO, after deciding at the beginning of the academic year that this time around I was going to be astronomically organised, I am once more frantically trying to finish an essay the night before it's due in. With the aid of coffee and chirpy music to keep my somewhat sluggish brain on track. God, it's been ages since I've posted on here. Practically a whole semester of college has gone by. I've been getting everything handed in pretty well so far actually.
And I've been writing for the college newspaper, which is fun. Or more specifically, the arts and culture supplement of the paper. My hardcore journalistic stylings take in such subjects as Art, Theatre, Fashion and TV and Music reviews. Okay, so none of my pieces are making a massive difference to the world, but I like to think they have a certain... bouncy quality. I don't know if I'd be any good at writing features anyway. I'd probably just get depressed and lazy and start making up statistics. Actually, that sounds like fun. Or maybe I could persuade the editors to give me my own Mr. Chatterbox column. Hmm.
So, anyway, I'm trying to complete an art history essay that goes: "Compare the language of death in Shakespeare's Hamlet to artistic portrayals of death from the 15th- 17th centuries. Can you discern a common iconographic language?" How CHEERFUL do you think I am feeling right now? I was discussing it with one of the girls in college and she announced she was "all Shakespeared out". So now my new pet project is to email OED with a petition to have "Shakespeare" made a verb. In honour of exhausted English students. Wanna sign a petition? Anyone? I'll give you... tea. And French Fancies! The Mr. Kipling kind, not men in berets. That'd be a WHOLE different kettle of sexy fish.
I should go now. And so I shall bravely Shakespeare on. And all that jazz.

I haven't posted on LJ in nearly a month, and here I am, back with my tail between my legs, hitting the ground running with a truly awful pun before I even leave the subject bar. That's right baby, I'm back.
So anyway... I can't really think of anything interesting to post here (I of course use 'interesting' as a relative term. I don't think anyone on the great wide web is frothing at the mouth waiting to hear about my life).
I went to Jessi's Debs (Hi Jessi) which involved a fairly cool band and a DJ who was, regrettably trapped in the nineties. Either that or he was trying to slowly kill us with rave music and strobe lighting. And a smoke machine. Did I mention there was a smoke machine? And I was wearing my pretty black heels- the ones that towards the end of the night invariably attempt to EAT the soles of my feet. Ouchee. And I invariably forget how painful they are each time I wear them until the pain starts and I go "Oh SHIT, now I remember". But those things aside, it was a really good night.
And I went to see Space Chimps (I know, I know) and one of the chimps was Joe from Family Guy!! Which made me sad at the beginning but then it was actually okay.
This bit made me laugh:
Monkey: But I can't do it! I'm not even a real astronaut!
Joe-Monkey: Are you wearing aluminum clothes?
Monkey: Yes.
Joe-Monkey: Are you in a rocket?
Monkey: Yes.
Joe-Monkey: Are you in outer space?
Monkey: Yes.
Joe-Monkey: Are you David Bowie?
Monkey: ...No.
Joe-Monkey: Then you MUST be an astronaut.
Audience: .....
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHADAVIDBOWIEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
Also, there were many puns involving the word chimp. Example: "We'll have to chimprovise" and "I'm a chimp off the old block". Gold. I'd like to add I was the only one in a cinema screen full of children who laughed at these jokes. I have a punning problem. I tried going to pun rehab and they said they wouldn't give up 'til I was clean. So I asked where they kept the soap. I got a week in solitary for that one.
*slaps self in face*
Oh, dear.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!
And my better judgment is doing battle with my inner child, who keeps trying to make me jump up and down yelling "CAKE!!". Guess who's losing. It's bad enough having to battle the devil on my shoulder who keeps telling me to make bad puns.
My parents gave me both seasons of Torchwood for my birthday, and Juno on DVD. And because it's my birthday I get to make people watch Torchwood with me. HA! This is how we get them hooked! And I have friends coming over tomorrow and then we're going out for a meal and some drinks on Thursday night. Oh, and we're going to the cinema on Thursday to see Mamma Mia!! I haven't told anyone that yet, but I'm sure they won't object. If they do I won't listen. XD

Oh, and on an unrelated but happy-making note, I found an Audrey Hepburn movie boxset with five movies for €20. Everything's comin' up Lisa! *struts away jauntily*

So... there's no way this is going to appear cool. I got a new t-shirt and it is now officially the nerdiest thing I own. My brother gave it to me for my birthday on the condition I never wear it when I'm out with him in public. :D
I'm cool.
( This way to the nerdiness... )

Could I be any cooler?? I don't think so.
Oh well. Jessi will be proud of me. :D

Right, so we've got two new girls at work. They're Polish or something (I'm not some kind of ignorant xenophobe, I'm just really bad at placing accents and I'm too embarrassed to ask) and they're sisters. I think. They're over in Ireland for the summer and they're staying with one of the other waitresses while they're here. I'm presuming this is why they got jobs with us, as we don't really need two more staff members in the restaurant. I find them slightly intimidating. They don't really talk to me (their English isn't great), they just... hover. Waiting for work to do. And seeing as there's three of us doing the same job, it's starting to feel like a competition. To see who'll be left standing there with nothing to do. I know I'm probably being paranoid, but... well. They tend to everything together. As a team. They're like some kind of well oiled waitressing machine. And then eventually, because it was pointless to have the three of us clearing and setting tables, Biggy put me on cutlery duty. Meh. I don't MIND polishing cutlery. It's more relaxing than running around like a blue arsed fly cleaning up other people's leftovers, but it does feel kind of like a demotion... Argh I'm so paranoid. This is ridiculous. It's just that I don't think they need all of us there, and seeing as they apparently have some sort of connection to one of the other waitresses, I'm guessing if the restaurant needs to cut back on someone's hours or something, it's not going to be the Wonder Twins.

Okay, I'm being silly. But they are really snotty.

I think I love Torchwood. No, hear me out. See, the cool thing is, they've set it in the real world. Sort of. It's not all time travel and different planets like Doctor Who, it's just like a really blown up cop show. So the cops are standing at a crime scene with all their cordons and paperwork and watch duty and other boring police accoutrements and Torchwood SCREECH in in their big black jeep and they shoulder their way in IN SLOW MOTION, hair done, coats a-billowing and Keanu Reeves sunglasses a-gleaming and they're all like, "Hey guys, *gratuitous sex joke* where are the dead bodies at?" And Jack, standing on rooftops staring into the distance looking epic. Or running down a corridor going, GO GO GO GO GO! Aaaah... no other cop show would dare be so corny. And the sex is everywhere. Example:
Police officer: (To Jack) Are you always this dressy for a murder scene?
Jack: Would you rather me naked?
OH JACK. INAPPROPRIATE MUCH?? Or:
Jack: Ianto, I need your local knowledge.
Gwen: Is that what you're calling it these days?
What are they, in a Benny Hill sketch? I LOVE IT.
SO as if it wasn't genius enough to set a sci-fi programme in CARDIFF, they have made their entire cast of characters, including guest stars and villains, horny teenagers. Inspired. Torchwood Ftw!!(Jessi, that was for you)
Also, Jack and Ianto = HAWT.

I got my hair cut. It's shorter now, and I have a little side fringe thingy going on. And it does that thing where it...tapers. Yes, I am studying English in college. Hence the amazing degree of coherency and astounding descriptive potency. *pats self on back*
I'm with Jessi (pearofanguish) and Keavy (Captain_Buff) and we are getting ready to get our drinky on. (Those were Keavy's words. Do not attribute to me such incisive brilliance.) And Jessi got a Torchwood DVD for her birthday, so we're going to watch that for the shiny radiant sex on a stick that is John Barrowman. I mean, the plot. Yes. And Ianto. We love Ianto. He's like Jeeves, but with acknowledged sexual prowess.

Hello. :D Here's me, reduced to my most simplistic form. Enjoy.

1. First Name: Lisa

2. Age: 18. Nineteen in... *screws up face and attempts to add* sixteen days. Birthday! Wahoo!

3. Location: Sligo at the minute (the old homestead for the summer) but I'm in college in Dublin. And since I'm pretty sure all my friends on here (except Jessi) are British, Sligo is a county in the West of Ireland, and in Ireland college means uni, not school.

4. Occupation: Student. And Waitress. The waitressing thing is okay, although I was convinced I'd be really bad at it. I have only broken two glasses so far, and am patting myself on the back. The people I work with are fairly nice, although they're all much more experienced than me so most of the time I feel like I'm getting under their feet. This could be paranoia. It has been known to happen. My boss is Polish and he keeps using Irish slang, which slays me. "Hey Lisa, what is the craic?" AW.

5. Partner: None. Swinging singleton. That made me sound more pathetic than I am. Marginally.

6. Kids: Pfft.

7. Brothers/Sisters: One brother. He's called Stephen, he's fifteen and he's six foot three. Gangly bastard. We get on pretty well. He's much less of a pain in the arse than I was when I was fifteen. Not that that's difficult.

8. Pets: One cat, sort of. She hangs around our house occasionally and we feed and pet her. She's very much in charge of the relationship and in Holly Golightly fashion, we've never named her. It just seemed presumptuous somehow...

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
Oh, Jesus. This is going to make me feel sad and pathetic.

(i) My friends.
I'm seeing a lot of my friends this summer. An improvement on my social life from last summer. Not that it's hard to improve on comatose. I love seeing my friends that I haven't seen in ages. Like the ones who upped and went to college in England (pfft. What do the Brummies have that we don't, Elaine?), or the ones doing important exams all year. Exams have a tendency to swallow your social life, energy and will to live. And pens. You could populate a small planet with the amount of fucking pens I went through in my Leaving Cert year. (Ha, unintentional Douglas Adams reference)And you always feel like you have to buy a whole fresh batch for exams, don't you, even if you have a cupboard full to bursting with them at home. "Oh, I've got an exam, better buy some new pens." It's the one exam preparation activity that doesn't involve studying, I guess.
Wow, I just went completely off the point.

(ii) My job.
I'm a waitress! See above. In Molly Fulton's. Pop in and see us sometime.

(iii) My car.
I just got a new car and she is shiny and red and her name is Sue. I'm still learning to drive and I'm as surprised as anyone that I haven't ended up in a ditch yet. Especially with my brother in the back seat going "Look out, Lisa, it's a bus full of orphans!" Twat. But I like driving and whn I get my proper licence I'll be able to go places. Hoopla. When you live in Carrickbanagher owning a car is a big deal. It's like having a fucking TARDIS. It stands between me and insanity.

(iv) Tea.

(v) Going to see the Boosh live in September! This is a big deal for me. My friend Keavy insists we go early so we can meet them. She also insists we dress up. So, if all goes according to (Keavy's) plan, on the eighteenth of September, I will be standing in front of Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt probably dressed as a stab-happy electro girl. Apparently Keavy is trying to FRY MY BRAIN.

10. Where and for what did you go to school for? (Did they deliberately use bad grammar in the question about schooling?? Cos that's waaaay on the wrong side of funny.)
Em, okay:
-Our Lady of Mercy Primary school Sligo. (1993-2001)
Not very interesting really.
-Colaiste Mhuire Ballymote, Co. Sligo. (2001-2007)
Nice place. Small and poky, very informal attitudes. People would amble in to class ten minutes after the bell and still get there before the teacher and the vice principal would come in during a class and start tinkering with the radiator, going "Don't mind me!" Or stand outside the window making faces at us behind the teacher's back, trying to make us laugh. The whole faculty was mature like that. I'm still friends with a lot of my best friends from school. I liked my school.
University College Dublin- UCD- (2007-present)
After a bumpy start, I like UCD. Officially. I like it. Thumbs up. I'm studying English and History of Art (I know, I know, I'm a big dosser.) and it appeals to my built-in bullshitting instincts. But I'm a massive bookwhore (bookworm doesn't seem to cover it) and am frustratingly over analytical, so I figured I should put these... attributes to use somehow. When I finish this, I'm going to be very cultured altogether. :D

11. Parents: Pauline and Gerry. Civil servant and mechanic, respectively. Fairly average white bread Irish parents. I can't say my family is particularly interesting. Apart from the fact that they're the biggest BOGGERS known to mankind. My granny sounds like Mrs. Doyle from Father Ted. No shit. Exactly like her. It's an endless source of amusement to us. My parents are pretty cool, except for the fact that they persist in listening to shitty country music. The shame. My Dad makes up for it with his wide selection of bad puns. Example: He has a lot of fish related ones. Anytime anyone mentions fish, he always invariably says, "Ah, that's a cod", and then "Ah no, I said that on porpoise" followed by, "that was my sole reason for saying that" concluding masterfully with, "I'm having a whale of a time". He avoids such novice remarks as "that's a bit fishy", taking pride in his work. My mum is continually exasperated by my brother and me. When we make inappropriate jokes around her (as we often do), she rolls her eyes to heaven (as if in reproach for sending us) sighs, and says "What have I reared?" And we laugh, and she slopes off, mumbling "Jesus, give me strength". Hee. Although I've painted a bleak picture of my mammy here. More often than not she's laughing along with us when she says these things, and trying to pretend she's not. Also, she makes me tea when I get back from work and worries about EVERYBODY.

12. Who are some of your closest friends? *deep breath* Alice, Catherine, Jessi, Keavy, Elaine, Karen, Jenny, Kate, Lorraine and Niamh. Six of the above went to school with me. I don't have time to write a detailed bio of ech, so I shall give them the same treatment as myself and boil them down to their most simplistic form, probably in quite an insulting manner.
Alice is going to Australia next year for the entire year, which will be weird. Alice likes tea and dogs. I'll still be living with Catherine, Lorraine, Kate and Niamh.
Catherine studies History of Art with me. She likes Doctor Who and cats.
Elaine goes to college in England (TRAITOR!!)She likes Family Guy and metal music.
Jessi (pearofanguish) lives in the hopping centre of social activity that is Louth. She likes slash and a nice cup of coffee. And slash.
Keavy lives in Pemberley in Tipperary. Her house isn't really called Pemberley. We nicknamed it that, but it is totally apt. It even has a little pond type thingy for Colin Firth to splash around in. She likes tea (I know I already used that with Alice, but they both really like tea) and Noel Fielding.
Kate is my roomate! She has a boyfriend called Peter and a car called Stella. Stella is Sue's sister.
Jenny is living in Dublin and has a girlfriend called Claire. Jenny likes comics and Nina Simone.
Karen is American but has been living over here for five years. She likes the internet and A-wear.
I love my friends. *is warm and fuzzy*

Well that's it. Hope I managed to make myself sound more interesting than I am.